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Shadow and Difficult Feelings

With its intense physical and emotional demands, motherhood often provokes extreme emotions, including unpleasant ones, such as rage, fear, or shame. For this reason, motherhood often introduces us to the darkness within, made up of those despised and repudiated parts of ourselves that are sometimes frightening to know, and that we can think of as our shadow.

When Parental Authority is Undermined

When Parental Authority is Undermined

November 30, 2018 / Article
For many women, learning to step into our genuine, inner authority will be a major piece of psychological work. The ...
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Do You Believe Your Child is Special?

Do You Believe Your Child is Special?

October 31, 2018 / Article
When my children were small, we were friendly with a family who had a daughter who was quite bright. The ...
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The Lessons of Anger

The Lessons of Anger

October 16, 2018 / Article
Last week, I explored whether avoiding all anger at one’s children might be too much of a good thing. In ...
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When is Anger at Children Healthy?

When is Anger at Children Healthy?

October 9, 2018 / Article
Burning with rage at our children is a nearly universal experience, and yet it is one that most moms feel ...
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Motherhood as a Depth Initiation

Motherhood as a Depth Initiation

September 25, 2018 / Podcast
From the This Jungian Life podcast, hear Lisa Marchiano and two other Jungian analyst discuss a depth psychological approach to ...
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A Big Emotion is Not an Emergency: Helping Teenagers Manage Their Emotions

A Big Emotion is Not an Emergency: Helping Teenagers Manage Their Emotions

September 12, 2018 / Article
I learned early in my daughter’s toddler days that savvy moms don’t gasp or shriek when the baby falls and ...
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When Connecting with Kids is Hard

When Connecting with Kids is Hard

January 13, 2018 / Article
Last week, I shared a fairy tale which explored a parent child relationship in which the parents are ashamed or ...
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When We Are Ashamed of Our Kids

When We Are Ashamed of Our Kids

January 5, 2018 / Article
What an uncomfortable feeling to become aware that we are disappointed with or ashamed of our child, even momentarily. I ...
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Humble Gifts: On Knowing We're Enough

Humble Gifts: On Knowing We’re Enough

December 15, 2017 / Article
I had a conversation with a mother in my practice this week that brought up something important. As usual, I ...
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What Happens When We Don't Like Our Kids?

What Happens When We Don’t Like Our Kids?

December 7, 2017 / Article
I am always a little surprised when a mother tells me with great shame and in great secrecy that she ...
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Helping Our Kids Become Whole

Helping Our Kids Become Whole

October 25, 2017 / Article
“The right way to wholeness,” Jung wrote, “is full of fateful detours and wrong turnings.” And yet many mothers worry ...
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When Parenting Reveals Our Shadow

When Parenting Reveals Our Shadow

August 4, 2017 / Podcast
Discussion with Lourdes Viado, Ph.D, MFT on the "Women In-Depth: Conversations about the Inner Lives of Women" podcast. We cover ...
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Helping Teens Manage Big Emotions

Helping Teens Manage Big Emotions

July 21, 2017 / Article
Research indicates that emotional regulation is one of the most important skills we can teach our children. Teens who lack ...
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What if I Feel Envious of My Kid?

What if I Feel Envious of My Kid?

July 5, 2017 / Article
Janice had been seeing me for a few years, but I had never seen her quite this uncomfortable before. She ...
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How Motherhood Helps Us Value Our Flaws

How Motherhood Helps Us Value Our Flaws

July 3, 2017 / Webinar
We all have aspects of ourselves we would rather not know about. As kids, we may have been taught that ...
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Can Motherhood Make You Badass?

Can Motherhood Make You Badass?

June 13, 2017 / Article
My mother was never very good at saying “no.” When as I teenager I would ask her for something she ...
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Am I Raising a Narcissist?

Am I Raising a Narcissist?

May 31, 2017 / Article
Recently, some research on parental overvaluation created a stir by suggesting that treating our kids as “special” can lead them to ...
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Can Mothering Help Us Love Our Worst Qualities

Can Mothering Help Us Love Our Worst Qualities

May 25, 2017 / Article
The Swiss psychoanalyst Carl Jung coined the term “shadow” to refer to all those part of ourselves we would rather ...
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Managing Adolescent Volatility

Managing Adolescent Volatility

May 16, 2017 / Article
If we are parenting an adolescent, we realize that the teen years come upon us as a second storm after ...
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Parenting When Depleted

Parenting When Depleted

May 7, 2017 / Article
Kathryn’s eyes filled with tears as she related to me how worn and spent she felt caring for her twin ...
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Is There a Right Way to Parent?

Is There a Right Way to Parent?

April 21, 2017 / Article
My Facebook feed abounds with articles and book reviews about parenting. Apparently, we are overvaluing, overscheduling, and overprotecting our children. The underlying ...
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Why Does Motherhood Make Women So Judgy?

Why Does Motherhood Make Women So Judgy?

April 17, 2017 / Article
Christine was uncharacteristically upset when she arrived for our appointment. She had just gotten off the phone with Marni, someone ...
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Does Anyone Ever Regret Having Kids?

Does Anyone Ever Regret Having Kids?

March 29, 2017 / Article
The answer is “yes,” as discussed with great honesty in this article. Most of the time, no matter how ambivalent we ...
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The Dark Mother

The Dark Mother

January 28, 2016 / Article
I love Neil Gaiman’s wonderful short novel “Coraline.” It seems to me that this terrifically frightening book shows how the ...
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Carrying Authority — The Legend of the Gargoyle

Carrying Authority — The Legend of the Gargoyle

January 21, 2016 / Article
My mother was never very good at saying no. When as a teenager I would ask her for something she ...
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